Letting Go

When I started this blog I planned on adding to it at twice a week and that quickly went out the window because life happens. It has been close to a month since I last wrote and I am a little sad about that. The truth is it wasn’t about so much finding the time as it was being focused enough to writing something meaningful and not just bologging for the sake of blogging.

These past two months have brough about a lot of changes and shifts, and the biggest being Clinton starting his new journey at White Oak. I have to admit that this has been an adjustment just as much for me as Clinton with the biggest challenge being knowing when to turn Mom Shark off. It is hard to step in the shoes of parent like myself if you have never stepped foot in the world of Special Education. Without a doubt, White Oak is a fantastic school with amazing supports provided by amazing staff, but here is the thing I am being asked to just blindly trust said staff no questions asked and in all honesty that is a tall order that takes time.

A new school isnt a magical solution, Clinton is still Clinton, he has the same struggles, same obstacles except he has a greater awareness of just how far behind in certain areas he is. His struggles go well past reading and writing, being considered Atypical means self-regulation is a struggle for him, it means he is sensory sensitive in certain ways when it comes to sounds, lights and textures and it also means socially he needs some coaching on how to interact with peers. A new school also does not mean your done dealing with those who wronged your child, you still have IEP meetings, you still have your advocate and you still have to face how far your child has to go despite being in a new school. At Clintons IEP meeting on October 25th thirty-one different classrooms accomodations became available to Clinton, and that doesn’t include his speech therapy, occupational therapy or Assistive Technology. Now, most parents of a child with different learning challenges would rejoice in that and while I am grateful those options are available to him I can promise you to hear that your child needs that much support brings about a lot of mixed emotions.

Yes, Clinton is happier child at White Oak and yes I sleep better at night knowing he goes to a school where all learning styles and personalities are embraced, but there is a life after White Oak that we have to prepare him for. Clinton will always have a unique learning profile which at times he gets frustrated with and I get frustrated with myself because enough never feels like enough, because the same bullies that passed him along in the public school system are out in the world ready to judge him and break him down. To be a parent to child like Clinton takes a balance that I have yet to find. I try everyday to not look back, but to keep moving foward focusing only the good up ahead. I try everyday to not only forgive those who wronged my son but to see their position. I try everyday to trust those who work with my son seven hours a day. I try everyday to trust the process and that everything will work out like its supposed to. I try everyday to be a mom that doesn’t feel like she is getting it all wrong all the time and needs a coffee IV to get through the day. Mostly, I try everyday to believe that Clinton will find his way, his purpose and his tribe in the crazy world.

I hope if your struggling today, in anyway you know that you are not alone and that you are doing a fine job.

“This world needs all kinds of minds” – Temple Grandin