I am not for one second going to pretend I am a mom that has it all together. I am not going to lie to you and tell you that everyday since quarantine has began my son has eaten perfectly balanced meals everyday, because he hasn’t. I am not going to lie and tell you that everyday I get up get showered, do my make-up, hair prepared to take on the day because that’s not me. I am not going to tell you that I spend hours looking on websites on how to enrich every minute of my sons day, because I don’t.
I am going to tell you I do not have it all together. I am going to tell you that there are days I do not leave my sweatpants and do not even shower. I am going to tell you that my son has too much screen time on every screen we have. I am going to tell you that while I appreciate online educational resources offered I often feel overwhelmed at all the options and I do not believe I am the only one. I am going to tell you that as much as I love reading to my son there are times I wish he could read proficiently himself. I am going to tell you that I miss having some time – anytime to myself and I do not feel bad about missing the gym because for some of us its not vanity, but sanity. I am even going to tell you that I get tired of all the teachers posting how hard its been for them to acclimate to online teaching while balancing life – does that make me mean? uncaring? unappreciative? I don’t think so. I appreciate and admire teachers plenty, but as a mom of a special needs son who services have been slashed because of this pandemic I can tell you not many are talking about that. I am going to tell you I get very tired of all the posts telling me to read a book, learn a new skill, live my purpose and discover myself during a time when everyone is really just trying to survive.
I am going to tell you there are nights I stay awake wondering if my son who is in 5th grade reading at a first grade level will ever read fluently. I am going to tell you I often feel my best is never good enough and that most of those educational sites do not provide options for Dyslexic children. I am going to tell there is a difference between home-schooling and crisis schooling no matter what anyone says. I am going to tell you it breaks my heart how much my son misses his friends, his teachers and his after school activities. I am going to tell you all my work outs happen in the kitchen when everyone’s asleep. I am going to tell you there are times I cry in the shower so no one can hear me because I feel I always have to have the answers. I am going to tell you I am human, I am not always together or always apart – I am me. I am going to tell you I wish we would all stop picking sides, arguing, posting memes, trolling and just be there for each other.
I am going to tell you that I do not have any answers, that most of my days start with a plan and end with a sigh. I am going to tell you there is no right or wrong way to feel in this time – its all valid and it all matters.
I am going to tell you one last thing – I hope once this passes we do not go “back to normal” because we can do and be better than we were.