How often do we hear phrases such as the one pictured above? All too often, while heart warming and motivational it doesn’t really tell you how to live your dream, follow your heart, be your best self etc. There’s no instructions just a pretty quote followed but a pretty graphic which may brighten your day but gets you no closer to living the life you dream for yourself. While I cannot give you big complete answers to big incomplete questions I can tell you how I have chosen to live my dream and follow my heart.
On August 29th 2019 on Clintons first day of school I started my new job, not a career but a job at local University bookstore and I was excited. You see even though it was a part time/temporary position I didn’t care I was just happy to work to feel productive again. Let me explain, you see 2019 for me was about fighting school districts, advocating for my son, tests with more numbers than I can remember, meetings, meetings about meetings, doctors upon doctors, phone calls, emails, stacks of paperwork, no sleep, constant worry and doing this all mostly one handed because I was recovering from rotator cuff surgery – 2019 was and wasn’t my year in a lot of ways friends.
I liked the job and they liked me so they hired me as a part time employee and I felt even more excited, but the excitement was short lived. It was a nice place to work with nice people to work with on a really nice college campus but I wasn’t happy, I kept telling myself I was but I really wasn’t. Sure, it felt great to work, earn a paycheck, meet new people, learn some stuff and it worked great with Clintons schedule but it wasn’t enough for me. I started to feel frustrated, I started to not want to go in more than I wanted to, I started to not feel productive, useful and worse – that my presence made no impact and really served no purpose. I tried branching out and talking to my manager/supervisor about learning more, doing more but it was clear that was not going to happen. Still I told myself that I NEEDED this job this job that paid minimum wage, provided no benefits, no growth, no promotions, no opportunity, no future, no security, no creativity a job that wouldn’t notice me if I was gone. After a series of events not related to me took place hours got cut across the board for everyone, not management but everyone else and that was it for me.
I reached out to my supervisor expressing my concerns only to be told 12 hours (not 30 like I was used to) at minimum wage was going to be the new normal. I tried like hell to go in on my next scheduled day, but I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t going to give my all to this job for even for 1 hour a week, I wasn’t go to fight for hours, I wasn’t going to lose sleep over this, I wasn’t going to wait till they let me go so I did something I don’t like to do and I let the job go, I quit. I wish I could tell you I have this fantastic plan to earn a living that all my financial worries will be over and I will be living my purpose, but I cant tell you that. All I can you is that I know I will be alright.
How do I know this? I know this because after many years of scrambling trying on all these shoes in the form of jobs that don’t fit I am taking the message the universe is sending me and trying something different. I realize to some this might sound ridiculous, but I truly believe we all have a purpose on this earth and a responsibility to make a difference. I couldn’t stay stuck behind that counter anymore counting the minutes and hours down – I couldn’t do it because I wouldn’t want Clinton to do it. As my son gets older and finds his purpose I want my him to always feel like he is living his best life doing what he loves. I do not want him to feel stuck or stifled, I want him to feel fulfilled. Honestly,I do not know what the future holds but I know I will be ok. Until next time.
Love and Gratitude,